Quotes from Darkwing Duck.


Darkwing DuckEdit

"Let's get dangerous!"
"Suck gas, Evildoer!" (usually said before firing his trademark gas pistol)
"The worst part of public transportation is the public."
"You'd think criminal masterminds would be more punctual!"
(Drake is dressing as Darkwing for the first time.) "Now all I need is a name: something that with conjure up the fear of a dark moonless night, the speed of an eagle’s wing – something like: The really scary fast thing!"
"Gosalyn, after I wake up, and have my morning cup of coffee, remind me to punish you. Severely."
"No one’s sure just why I flap. Half the police force think I’m a crook, and the other half hate my hat!"
(as Drake) "Let's get decorative!"
"In the Negaverse, there was never a Darkwing Duck to guard the city...(gulps) or a Drake Mallard to be a father, (hugs Negaverse-Gosalyn) so for you, Gosalyn...I'll stay..."
"All right, troops, we get to get you whipped into shape...we've got to be tough...we've got to be smart...we've got to be inventive...and what have we here?"
"The jig is up, you jaded, jug-headed, jack-in-the-box!"
"I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus! I am... the Swan Prince?"
"It's no use, Negaduck! You may have trapped the whole entire police department in lime jello, but you didn't trap me!"
"I am the jailer who throws away the key! I am... feeling really stupid."
"Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that."
"Forget it, Gosalyn, you're too young to explode!"
[about Gizmoduck]"Funny, I didn't know turkeys could fly. D'oh, I hate that guy... woah-oh-oh!! *CRASH* I mean, I really hate that guy!!!"
(Finding Gosalyn drawing on his yearbook) "Has Daddy ever told you the story of the little girl, the marking pen and the pit of eternal flame?"
"Gosalyn's sweet, Launchpad's insane, and Tank's polite?!?!"
"Great. I leave for five minutes, and Gosalyn's rewired the whole house!"
(as Drake) "Yep, yep, yep. Stand back, everyone. It's true that Honker is a shy young man, but, I have dealt with this sort of thing before. Honker... SPIT IT OUT!!!"
"I am the mighty Darkwing Duck, and I pity the poor fool who stands in my way!"
(as Darkwarrior) "I am the terror that hunts in the night! I am the jackal that gnaws at your bones! I am... Darkwarrior Duck!"
"I could've had a life, but no-oo, I chose to be a clown, in a mask and a cape! All I need are floppy shoes and a bozo nose!"
"Me thinks malicious mischief mars this masquerade!"
"Some people grow up and some people just grow older."
"Things are never as bad as they seem--They're usually worse."
"Oh great. Another pun-obsessed supervillain."
"You, fake a seizure. While the crowd is stealing your wallet and shoes, I'll sneak out the back way."
"Ha! I'm back! It'll take more than two treacherous transgressors to taint the track record of... Darkwiiiiing... Yak."
"You feel "so sorry" for that villanous vegetable? That, that.. Flipped-out, feloneous flora?!? I'M the one with the swiss-cheese cape!"
"Okay, okay, okay, okay, FINE. So I'm a lousy plumber. So sue me already!"
"Well, aside from sustaining massive internal injuries in a plane crash, and being chased by the army, the navy, and a troop of girl scouts, yeah, I'm, uh, just peachy."
"Never send a bunny to do a duck's job."
"Did I say "skulls"? I meant "ANVIL"!"
"No test can tell you how to live your life! A man like you, a man like me, we boldly go, and daringly do! Our heads are in the clouds, and our eyes are on the stars! Fill up your eyes with those stars, man! With every fill-up you get a free sports bike. Your future's out there, I tell ya! It's callin' to ya! And the future doesn't leave recorded messages by the way; you've got to BE THERE when she rings!!!"

Launchpad McQuackEdit

"You should accept the things you cannot change! ... Or is that, 'you should change the things you can't accept?'"
(Posing as Darkwing) "I am the tenor that sings in the night!"
(About the heat wave) "It's hotter than a monkey's uncle!"


"Keen gear!"
"This is the desert. A cruel oven where the sand is the baking dish and mystery is the casserole."
"Nothing a little exorcism can't fix..."
(After her dad has grown four extra arms )"So let me get this straight, you said you got bit by a giant radio active spider as big as me and you didn't even stop to put disenfective on it?! No fare, you would of had me in the emergency room more faster than you can say 'rabies'!"
"He's so obnoxious, so arrogant, so concieted! It's gotta be dad!"


"That's it! We'll all go on a big date!"
"YOU CAD! Y-you CAD!"
"Hi, Wingy..."
"Boogy down, Wingy!"
"Blithering Blatherskite!"


"So, St. Canard has a new favourite hero, eh? And a LITTLE GIRL at that! The perfect target for public enemy number one..."
"I am the sourball in the candyjar of goodness! I am... Negaduck!"
"What is this?! Did I cross a black cat today? I can't waste one sappy hero?!"
"I am the most fiendish terror that flaps in the darkest night! I am the skunk that pollutes your air! I am... NEGADUCK!"
"I am the shopping cart that nicks your paint job!"
"Well well, if it isn't Chocolate-Dipped Duck!"
"I feel awful, stooping to such petty crimes. But you just can’t imagine how expensive a thermonuclear warhead is these days!"
"Maybe dressing up as my dogooder look-a-like is a rotten thing to do. But, hey, I'm Negaduck, a rotten kinda guy!"
"The whole reason I have a secret hideout is to get away from the geek squad!"
(snarling at Gosalyn) "What are you looking at?"
"I don't know what you're trying to pull here, Darkwing, but..."
"I hate flowers,"
"Spirited, eh? (laughs sadistically) I hate that."
"A dove. The symbol of peace. Maybe I should feed it. TO A CAT!"
"I get... the loot."
"I can tell I am not going to like this kid..."
"Tell you what, If you help me take over this planet, I'll let you breathe."


"Oh, indignity heaped upon indignity! Why me? Why?! Why?! Why?! My high school reunion coming up and I have nothing to wear! Why was I made to suffer so? (to the lightbulb he's holding) What? What's that you say? Wear the jumpsuit battery gloves and helmet? (Kisses bulb) Brilliant! Oh what would I do without you?(Laughs) Ah, High school. I remember those golden days, days of constant descreation torment with a nary moment rest from the endless stream of abuse. Oh those were the days."
"Please refrain from accosting me sir."
"This is only a total defeat, you know."
"At last, I have harness the awesome power of carpet static and those fools in the science club said it couldn't be done."
"Oh, don't point that thing at me. It might go off. At last what I always wanted: the ability to enterain others at cocktail parties! But wait, these powers might have greater uses. I can seek revenge those who tormented me, those who made me a freak, those who... those who gave me this ridiculous hair-style!
"Sorry, Muddlefoot--but the Friendly Four are running this town from now on,"
"No! What are you looking at?! Your piercing stares are driving me mad! Mad I tell you! Mad! Oh, and by the way, I'm going to destroy the school and all of you in it."
(to Darkwing) "Gee, I suppose I'd better barbecue you now, but I just haven't got the heart. But don't worry, (whips around and zaps Ham String and Preena Lott) I'm still gonna get my revenge on you though."
"Now to grab the little girl he's been trying to save," (snatches up Gosalyn)
(to Drake Mallard) "Hey, I thought you lost your confidence."
"I may have lost, but at least, I know Darkwing Duck's secret identity. He's Elmo Sputterspark. Oh that's not it.
"I've been itching to try the zoom lens on this baby!"
"That's right! Prepare to meet thy doom at the hands of the... (throws arm around Quackerjack) the TWO most dangerous criminals ever! Together!" "I love the smell of voltage in the evening!"
"Over my dead batteries! Eat amperes, duck!"
(talking to a lightbulb) "Oh, my sweet darling. You're the ampere of my eye!"
"Ingrate! You're no son of mine!"
"A comic book starring Darkwing Duck?! What's the world coming to?!?! No, no, this is wrong, all wrong! And in definite need of repair!"
"Look at him. He's nuts. He's out of his tree and completely insane! (pulls out a lightbulb) Isn't he, my wittle bubbwy-wubbwy?"
"Don't call me Sparky, and I am relaxed! I AM RELAXED! AAH!"
"Get ready to be Dead Meat Duck!" "Alright... Dark-WING... you may be tough, but I'm not! Uh, or something." "Let's see, particle accelerations plus fade conversions equals... TOAST!" "At last! I'll have revenge on those who tormented me! Those who made me what I am! Wha... what am I anyway?"
"I can't remember what I do! For the love of heaven, please help me!" "If I don't do something really destructive soon, I'll go nuts!" "I know the electromagnetic spectrum like the back of my hand. (looks at the back of his hand) What the heck is that?!"
"He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day,"
"Ta-da! Megavolt! Superhero!"
"But traveling through time can put a hole in the space time continuum, wreak havoc in history and alternatively change the past, present, AND FUTURE FOREVER!!! Actually, it sounds kinda fun!"
"Soon, I'll have my revenge on those meddling kids and their nosy dog! Wait, wrong cartoon."
"Ha! They called me mad! They called me insane! They were right. But I'M running things now!"
"They left me no choice. Just because I failed to pay a power bill or two, they threatened to shut me the middle of my greatest scheme of my career!"
" (to lightbulb) Oh, my sweet darling, you're the ampere of my eye!"


"I like coffee, I like tea, I like toys, and they like me!"
"I see London, I see France, I see Whiffle Boy kicked in the pants!"
(chanting annoyingly) "With $1,000,000 in your account, you could buy any toy you want!"
(inside an alligator) "I don't like this game..."
(to Megavolt) "Ta-da! Megavolt: super-FOOL!"
(talking about video games) "It's just the kind of talk that drove me out of the toy busness and into (makess cuckoo gesture on himself) the loony thing!"


"The problem is bad tasting molecules that had been around since dinosaur days have worked their way to the regular water molecules off most of my competitors. Ooh, I don't wanna drink those! And with Bud Flood's Sparkling Crystal Pure Flood Water, I never have to."
"This is the ultimate form of advertising. Would you rather drink my pure mountain magic or a big fat monkey brain?"
"Are your muscles sore, tired, aching? Try Liquidator Brand Deheating Brawn.
"Here in the sewers of St. Canard, we have taken our crime fighter and surrounding him with a wall of boiling water."
"Are you tired of being powerless? Need professional help? Call Darkwing Duck!"
"Let the cleansing power of prison life wipe away your cares... and your sanity!"
"Step aside! Make room for...the Liquidator!"
"Liquy down the drain!"


(to Dr. Gary and Larson) "Hey stop it you guys! Give it back!"
"And now there's only one thing left to do: cackle madly!
"I'm not playing! If my research is successful, someday we get a nutrition on plants and be able to snack on sunlight."
"I feel normal. My experiment is a failure. No, I'm a failure. I'm scum. No, I'm less than scum. I'm a worthless fungal parasite."
"Son of a broccoli! What have I done to myself?"
"All I wanted to do is make the world a better place to live. Now look at me. I'm a walking salad bar."
"I guess dogs aren't tree's best friend. Wait a minute, you moved! But you can't move! But you did move. I must be losing my mind. I gotta sit down for a moment. Thanks. Oh no, it happened again. A drink? Yes, that's what I need. A drink. I must have some telepathatic link with plants. This is a scientific breakthrough! Yes that's it! I'm the Doctor Doolittle of the plant world! Aha, this should impress them back at the lab...aww, but then they'll just laugh at me again. Humiliate me in front of... Rhoda. Unless of course, they have a little accident... hey, this plant thing may not be so bad after all.
"Quackerjack's giving me the creeps. Someone's got to tell him prison's not supposed to be fun."
"Ah, what a beautiful bride you are and a beautiful bride like you on my side the whole world would be green in envy. This is the happiest day on my life."
"Oh, well. A plant's gotta do what a plant's gotta do!"
"Christmas shopping gets more dangerous every year."
"Alright, every luxury a bride could want! You've got your own sprinkler system and a fertilizer supply!" "Never again will I be lonely! Never again will I be told, 'I can't go out with you, you're just a shrub!' I've found the way to obtain the perfect bride! I'm growing my own."
"You have stolen the heart of the woman I love! I'm not gonna rescue you, I'm gonna mow you down!"
"I can't marry a potato! She's a tuber, and I'm a shrub! Well, they say opposites attract..."
"Ooh, look at me, I'm shaking like a leaf!"
"Gosalyn's guardian is Negaduck."

"I'm too young to be a frozen vegetable!"
"Christmas...Bah, grubbug!"
"Everyone treats me like last year's fruitcake..."
"Hey, kid! Easy on the foilage, huh?"
"For my next witness...and patient..." "It's my scientific name."
(to Darkwing) "You're the only one who's ever beat Negaduck!"
I may be a mutant plant-duck, sure. But I'm an EARTH mutant plant-duck!"
"Some witch. Doesn't do a bad daisy, though."
"You think I'm the only vegetable that ever went bad..."
"I'm not sinister...just misunderstood..." "No, that's okay.I don't know why I thought I could have any friends anyway. (voice breaking, reaches out for Darkwing's cape) I guess I'm just a silly old mutant plant-du-u-u-u-u-uck. (blows nose)


(about Darkwing and Gizmo-duck) "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! What are dese two trying to do, talk each other to death?"
"If dis little bit of epicurian delight is not to your particular taste, just have de world governments cough up 100 trillion smackeroos an' we'll send you de chicken salad instead." Sheesh! I mean, what is it with dese world leaders, huh? Don't any of 'em keep an extra trillion around anymore? "If dere's one t'ing I 'ate, it's excuses! ...Make dat two t'ings I 'ate. Excuses, an' a seven-ten split!" (Darkwing shows up) "Okay, make dat three tings". "Oh, no---not here..." (to Darkwing) "What are you, a franchise?!" "Today, we'll show youse how to cook up a crisis. First, take one merrily spinnin' planet, an' add one iggie super- rocket to bring it to a hault. Chill one half 'till frozen while fryin' de other half like a burger. Bon Appetit." "Boy, did you kids pick da wrong fanclub. Ya know, dressin' up like Darkwing Doofus ain't gonna score youse any points around 'ere." (to Ammonia Pine) "Marry you?! I don't want to live on de same continent as you! Hey, hey, get dis, Ammonia: I kinda LIKE dirt!"


"As the lion is king of the jungle, soon Fluffy will be the king of Saint Canard!!
"Ah, some quick ranting always refreshes me! Now, back to business!"
"Witness, friends, the gloves that provide me with the only things that separate man from cat - opposable thumbs!"
"We have never even been allowed the simple dignity of eating with utensils!"
"Fortune smiles upon the doomed citizens of Saint Canard! They have been granted a slight reprieve, while I learn how to walk!" "No, Al! Drink it! It's good! Really! Come back here, you jerrrrk!"
"Don't be bitter! You cannot change your station in life - believe me, I've tried!"

Mondo, the Mad Mask MisappropriatorEdit

"The mask of Darkwing Duck! Normally, I'd save the most dangerous trophy for last! But Darkwing Duck's card fell out of my catalog, and I didn't find it until spring cleaning!"
"Darkwing Duck, right on schedule! I admire that! You may be a klutz, but you are punctual."
"Nine-hundred and eighty-two superhero masks - collect them all!"
"Grrr! This time I won't be satisfied with just your mask as a trophy! This time, I'll want your pants, too!"
"He who fights and runs away - gets to beat a long stretch in the state pen!"

Herb MuddlefootEdit

"Ain't modern techno-loggy wonderful?"
"Hey! Who ate all the heads off the gingerbread men? I wanted to do that..."
"Honker, it's just not like you to lie, but until you stop, I'm gonna have to ground ya. No going out to play, no television, no food, no water, no sunlight..."

Other charactersEdit

"Dialectical dualisms!" ~ Splatter Phoenix "Never let an embezzler keep score." ~ Random crook "You get them out of there, NOW!... Um, please?" ~ Honker "We come from the planet Larson on the Far Side of the galaxy." ~Alien cow "Nononononononono! I'm not a dinosaur! These are my real nose and glasses, honest!" ~ Stegmutt "Somebody fell into Devil's Gorge and has a compound fracture of the lower mandible? Well, it's not my fault I can't understand you. Maybe if you had a mouth." ~ Neptunia "Just feed the precious little tykes enough sugar, and look out world! Heh, heh." ~ Clawed Hopper "Red taters you can reason with, but Russets... ugh, they's just plain mean!" ~ Duane "Father! If you blow up my boyfriend I'll never speak to you again!" ~ Morgana McCawbre "If you insist on having principles our relationship is doomed." ~ Morgana McCawbre "Dark, Darling!" ~ Morgana McCawbre "Absolutely not! Never! Not in a million years! (Eek& Squeak plead) Forget it. I'd rather give up my 'Hex of the Month' Club than ever talk to Darkwing again! (door bell rings) Oh dear, that might be him now! How do I look? Am I pale enough? Are my cobwebs straight?" ~ Morgana McCawbre "This carnivals nothing but a bunch of freaks, mutants and misfits (sighs happily) just like my last family reunion." ~ Morgana McCawbre "I'll convince them that violence isn't the way if I have to kill them!" ~ Morgana McCawbre "When you're full of spirit, everyone else looks empty." ~Professor Waddlemeyer "You know, you're pretty smart- for an idiot." ~ Neptunia "You have some pretty good ideas- for a moron." ~ Neptunia "Put out the Bushroot! Put out the Bushroot!" ~ Stegmutt


Binketh Muddfoot: From whence do you hail? Darkwing Duck: What would you say if I told you I was from 700 years in the future? Binketh Muddfoot: I would say you are an evil warlock who should be burned at the stake! Darkwing Duck: (pause) We're from Sweden. Splatter Phoenix: Hah! Your bourgeois morality would never allow you to hit a woman! Darkwing: Ohhh... you're right. I... I can't do it. You do it, Gosalyn. Darkwing Duck: You! Are not a well person! Megavolt: What!? And you’re normal? (Impersonating Darkwing:) ‘I am the cold sore that stings your lip?’ We're definitely talking demented! Darkwing Duck: It's no use, Negaduck! You may have trapped the whole entire police department in lime jello, but you didn't trap me! Negaduck: (sarcastically) Ooh, Darkwing Duck! I'm so scared! Darkwing Duck: Oh, yeah? Well, you should be! (Negaduck throws the bomb at Darkwing Duck) Eep! (bomb explodes) Negaduck: (sneering) Ha! I'm more afraid of early hair loss! Stegmutt: (gasps) You're a villain! Quackerjack: (mock gasp) You're a genius. Professor Moliarty: Is this a joke? I would hate that. Mole foot soldier: Nossir. Professor Moliarty: I hate it anyway. Darkwing Duck: Fortunately, we have a psychological advantage. Launchpad: Because we’re sane, and he’s not? Darkwing: No, because Megavolt is afraid of me: I sent him to the electric chair. Twice. Megavolt: I'll make him sizzle like spit on a griddle! Quackerjack: Ooh! Aren't we sounding folksy. Little Girl: Ooh, pretty plant...(yanks on Dr. Reginald Bushroot's plant hair) Dr. Reginald Bushroot: OW! Hey, Kid! Easy on the foilage, huh? (Little Girl screams in fright) Mother: (shrieks and points at Dr. Reginald Bushroot) It's a PLANT MONSTER! Dr. Reginald Bushroot: Where? Where? Where? Count McCawber: What my daughter needs is a nice ghoulish boy, only then will she find true happiness! Darkwing: She doesn't want happiness, she wants me! Stegmutt: Hot dogs, get your hot dogs! Random citizens: Aahh! A dinosaur!! Stegmutt: Maybe burgers would sell better. Gizmoduck: Well, if you're not a crook, how come you're wearing a mask? Darkwing: Hey, hey. Let's not get personal, helmet-head! Gizmoduck: It came with the outfit! Darkwing: The only way to really be happy is to be who you are, and nobody else. Gosalyn: This from a man in a cape and mask. Darkwing: Huh? Oh, oh I have to do this, for, uh, professional reasons. It's not like I'm maladjusted or anything; can't be that. Can it? Random citizen: Help! My fruitcake, help! Shomeone shtole my fruitcake! Darkwing: Hmm. Who would 'shteal' fruitcake? Launchpad: I wish I knew. I could never get rid of the stuff! Posiduck: Virtue is its own reward! Negaduck: Oh, yeah? Well, I say: don't get mad, get EVEN! Darkwing: Hold the phone, Graham Bell! I've had enough of you loquacious, self-important, granduer-deluded villains! I don't care about your stupid plot... or your crummy childhood... or dreams of global conquest or anything else! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!! Pokerface: NO! I want to tell you! Darkwing: I'm not listening! Pokerface: Don't make me get angry with you!! Darkwing: (singing rather badly) LALA-LALA-LAAA-LAH!! Pokerface: Your little games don't impress me, Dorkwing! So prepare to meet your maker while I spill the beans about my plans anyway! HAHAHAAAA! Darkwing: LALALAL- ulp!! Pokerface: You may as well sing the funeral march, now!! Hahaaaa! Morgana: Care for a jawbreaker, sweetums? Negaduck: Uh... why, thank you. Morgana: One broken jaw, coming up! Morgana: Negaduck, my little honeywumpus! Darkwing: Hey! I'm supposed to be your little honeywumpus! Megavolt: Get any water on me and I'll evaporate ya! Liquidator: You and what navy?! Darking: You are going to stay home where it's safe! Gosalyn: I can take care of myself! Darkwing:Take care of yourself? You can't even take care of your room! Gosalyn: That's a cheap shot! Bushroot: That can't be Darkwing Duck! If it were Darkwing Duck he would've called me mean names like Bush-Brain and Melon-Head! Megavolt: I think Bush-Brain is right! Quackerjack: Yeah, good thinking, Melon-Head! Megavolt: That lady in the cape almost killed us! You're supposed to protect the city from people like that! Darkwing: I know, I know, I'm sorry! I - I tried to stop her before, but she... wait a minute, you're the villain! I'm not supposed to apologize to YOU! I'm supposed to SMASH you! Quackerjack: You've got to save me! If I stay here any longer, I'll go crazy! Darkwing: Go? Quackerjack: Well you wouldn't hold a little thing like sanity against a guy, would ya? Besides, if we're going to get out of here, we're going to have to team up. Darkwing: Team up with you? That's a laugh! Paddywack: (offscreen) MWAHAHAHAHA! Quackerjack: No, that's a laugh. Preena Lott: Yeah, I guess we owe you an apology, Drake. G'wan, g'wan, Ham, apologize! Ham String: Aw, gee, Drake, uh, sorry for acting like a chowder head. Darkwing: Aww, Ham... you weren't acting. Ham String: You just missed Darkwing Duck, man! Drake: Darkwing Duckman? What is this Darkwing Duckman? Bushroot: But we don't have a secret hideout! Why can't we go to your secret hideout? Negaduck: Bushroot, if I let you go to my secret hideout, it wouldn't be a SECRET hideout anymore! Gizmoduck: Attention FOWL Agents! Come up with your hands up, or I, Gizmoduck, shall give you a sound thrashing! Steelbeak: Uh, yeah, right. Darkwing: Not that I care, Grizz, but you've got a fish in your ear. Grizzlikof: WHAT? I CANNOT HEAR YOU! I HAVE A FISH IN MY EAR! Darkwing: It always comes down to this, Launchpad. Me, you, a villain craving my destuction, and an abandoned warehouse. Lanchpad: Yeah, I wish for once it could be a roller rink or something. Herb: Hey! Nice costume, there, Drake! Of course, nobody's gonna confuse you with the real Darkwing Duck! Darkwing: Uh, you don't think there's any resemblance, Herb? Herb: (laughs)No offence, there, guy, but Darkwing Duck is much taller! He's my best friend, I seen him once in person... Binkie: Oh, but bikes are so boyish! Don't you think Gosalyn should have more, well, feminie things? Have I ever told you that, dear? Drake: (muttering) Only every time you see me. Darkwing: Negaduck! So you're behind all this! J. Gander: What-who-eh... two Darkwings?! Darkwing and Negaduck: Don't you believe it, J. Gander? This fiend is my archnemesis, Negaduck! ...Oh no, you don't! You're the liar known as Negaduck! ...I beg to differ! You're the erroneous executor known only as Negaduck! ...OOOOH! Would you cut that out?!! (While Darkwing is fighting Liquidator and Bushroot) Steggmutt: Oh, Darkwing, are you busy? Darkwing: No, no, I'm just playing pretend with the most dangerous villans, Bushroot and Liquidator! Liquidator: Yeah! Let's pretend that Darkwing is on fire! Bushroot: Yeah! Put out the Darkwing! Darkwing: Nice try, but it won't work- Steggmutt: (Grabs Darkwing and starts smacking him against the ground) Put out the Darkwing! Put out the Darkwing! Liquidator: 4 out of 5 doctors suggest that we GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE! Launchpad: Darkwing! Darkwing! Sadistic mimes from Dimension X have invaded St. Canard! They're out there annoying people even as we speak! Sounds to me like an irresistable setup for a buncha swell sight gags! So whaddaya say, D.W., huh? Shall I get the ol' Ratcatcher warmed up, huh, D.W.? Whaddaya think? Drake: Could you get out of the way?! I've never seen this episode of Pellican's Island before! I wanna see if they manage to get rescued this time! Launchpad: Oh, D.W., listen to yourself! You're talkin' crazy! (turns off the TV) They'll never get off that island! Drake: Hey! Turn that back on!! Darkwing: Your little game is over, you revolting revisionist! Give it back, so I can finish off the scene where I finish you off! Megavolt: Wrong! In the last scene I'm gonna finish you off! Darkwing: Sorry pal, this thing's reality-based. You don't stand a chane against me! Megavolt: That's what you think, you hackneyed hack! In this edition, I'm now ten times bigger and more powerful! Darkwing: No way! Lemmie see that. Where? Megavolt: Right there. Darkwing: What?! What kind of crazy science fiction are you trying to write? In any case, you oughta be twenty times smaller! Megavolt: What do you think you're doing?! I'm bigger! Darkwing: Have it your way. I can beat you no matter what size shoe you wear. Gosalyn: Darkwarrior? Darkwing: Oh, great, gone five minutes and my own daughter forgets my name. Just like she forgot she was supposed to stay in the Ratcatcher. Gosalyn: (looks down happily) Launchpad! Darkwing: Don't change the subject. I have had it with you young lady, you are grounded for a month. Gosalyn: No problem, Dad. That kind of justice I can handle. Darkwing: Now don't argue with me. I-(makes funny noise and hugs Gosalyn) Darkwing: (giant beanstalk falls on him) This is the second most-painful moment of my life. Stegmutt: What was the first most-painful? Darkwing: "Put out the Darkwing, put out the Darkwing!" Quackerjack (the city is burning and a relaxed Darkwing arrives) (cheerfully) Oh, it's Darkwing Duck! Megavolt (throws arms in the air) We're saved! Quackerjack (both are on knees smiling) Oh, quick, do something! Darkwing No problemo. Quackerjack and Megavolt (both hug each other) Yay! Hooray! Darkwing (pulls cape to hide his body except his eyes) After all, if there's one thing a fire's good for...(pulls cape away tom reveal wienies in his hand)it's roasting Krazy Kevin's Classic Cocktail Wienies. (puts headphones on) (puts the stick of wienies near the fire and sampes one of the wienies) You guys should try this, really. You'll love them. Mmm, mmm, mmm! Megavolt and Quackerjack (both cry) Gosalyn: I can't sleep! Darkwing: Oh, you just need something to relax you. I think I have a large mallet around here somewhere... Darkwing: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the papercut that ruins your morning. (appears with Gosalyn and Honker next to him) I am- Intern: Lemme guess, you're Daycare Duck. Darkwing: (whispers) Gosalyn, Honker, I told you NEVER follow me to work! Gosalyn: There was nothing good on TV. Darkwing: (pushes them aside) Heh, heh. Just impressionable rollerskaters I rescued from a burning... Sidewalk. Megavolt: Isn't the fire engine supposed to spray water? Quackerjack: Of course not! Then it would be a water engine! Darkwing: If you haven't noticed, I happen to be WORKING, here. Gosalyn: Really? Can I help? Darkwing: No, thankyou; I'd rather the equipment remain in one piece. [edit] "I am the..."

Whenever Darkwing makes an entrance, he introduces himself by saying, "I am the terror that flaps in the night!" and then following it up with a metaphor comparing himself to something annoying (in earlier episodes his choice of metaphors leaned more toward a horror element), or something that makes little sense; finally ending with "I am Darkwing Duck!". Among them are: "I am the cat that lays kittens in your bed!" "I am the switch that derails your train!" "I am the papercut that ruins your morning!" "I am the jailer who throws away the key!" "I am the surprise in your cereal box." "I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares!" "I am the weed-wacker in the garden of evil!" "I am the lollipop that sticks in your hair!" "I am the rhinestone on the jumpsuit of justice!" "I am the thing that goes bump in the night!" "I am the neuroses that requires a $500-an-hour shrink!" "I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus!" "I am the batteries that are not included!" "I am the headache in the criminal mind!" "I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out!" "I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul!" "I am the onion that stings in your eye!" "I am the special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show!" "I am the stain that CAN'T be rubbed out!" "I am the low ratings that cancel your program!" "I am the auditor that wants to look at your books!" "I am the slug that slimes your Begonias!" "I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair!" "I am the itch you cannot reach!" "I am the smoke that smokes Smoked Oysters!" "I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks!" "I am the fingernail that scrapes across the blackboard of injustice!" "I am the peanut butter that sticks to the roof of your mouth!" "I am the cholesterol that clogs your arteries!" "I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am!" "I am the fast food that comes back to haunt you!" "I am the bug that splatters on your windshield!" "I am the single career man all women want to date!" "I am the check writer in the 'Cash Only' line!" "I am the zit that forms when you've got a really big date!" "I am the secret center of a cherry candy-pop!" "I am the electrician who short-circuits the power lines of crime!" "I am the parking meter that expires while you shop!"

Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am Darkwing Duck. Moliarty: Darkwing Duck? Sounds like something I should try with eggroll.

Share this quote [surrounded by a cloud of red smoke] Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am... obviously out of my trademark blue smoke.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: [while talking to a tree that's about to attack him] I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the termite that devours your floorboards.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: [stuttering] Taurus Bulba! I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the surprise in your cereal box...

Share this quote Negaduck: I am the most *fiendish* terror that flaps in the darkest night. I am the skunk that pollutes your air. I am Negaduck [diabolical laughter]

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the batteries that are not included.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the headache in the criminal mind.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am...

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the Terror that flaps in the night, I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the onion that stings in your eye.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am a special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the scourge that pecks at your nightmares.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the hairball that clogs your drains.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the low ratings that cancel your program.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the auditor that wants to look at your books.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the slug that slimes your Begonias.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the itch you cannot reach.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the smoke that smokes Smoked Oysters.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the jailer who throws away the key.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: Let's get dangerous.

Share this quote Gosalyn Mallard: If nature wants to get in touch with me, it can send me a fax.

Share this quote Megavolt: I'll finally be rid of them MEDDLING KIDS AND THEIR NOSY DOG." [Regaining his composure] Megavolt: Whoops. Wrong cartoon.

Share this quote Negaduck: [about to pull a switch that will execute his adversaries] Now it's time to SAY GOODBYE... to ALL our company.

Share this quote Negaduck: I feel awful... stooping to such petty crimes. But you can't imagine how expensive thermonuclear warheads are these days.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: It's like "the Chicken" said Lauchpad, I knew the job was dangerous when I took it.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: Suck gas, evildoer.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: Let's get considerate.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: The jig is up, you jaded, jug-headed, jack-in-the-box.

Share this quote MegaVolt: I'll make him sizzle like spit on a griddle. Quackerjack: Ooh. Aren't we sounding folksy.

Share this quote Dr. Reginald Bushroot: Oh, well. A plant's gotta do what a plant's gotta do.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: We're going back in time, Launchpad. Launchpad McQuack: Oh, boy. In time for what?

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: The worst part of public transportation is the Public.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: Sheesh. They ought to lock me up just for wearing this ridiculous outfit.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: Sheesh. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: The bad part of town... where the sun never shines, where brutality is a way of life, and where, uh, people just rea... they're really not very nice at all. Really.

Share this quote [Megavolt makes his debut] Megavolt: I am... Megawatt! Bandleader: Dude, that's our name.

Share this quote Megavolt: At last, what I've always wanted! The ability to entertain others at cocktail parties!

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: [suddenly being brought back to his senses] Who, what, where, and sometimes why?

Share this quote [while being stalked by Moliarty with a rocket launcher] Darkwing Duck: It's okay, we should be safe hiding behind these barrels of... FUEL OIL? [They scram just as the barrels explode]

Share this quote Steelbeak: If dere's one t'ing I 'ate, it's excuses!... Make dat two t'ings I 'ate. Excuses, an' a seven-ten split!

Share this quote Megavolt: That's right! Prepare to meet thy doom at the hands of the... the TWO most dangerous criminals ever! Together!

Share this quote Megavolt: At last! I'll have revenge on those who tormented me! Those who made me what I am! Wha... what am I anyway?

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that.

Share this quote Launchpad: [impersonating Darkwing Duck] Err... I am the terror that sings in the night... I am the uhh... wrong song.

Share this quote [repeated line] Megavolt: Don't call me "Sparky"!

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: [to Gosalyn as she prepares to swing at a golfball on his mouth] Have I ever told you the story about the little girl, the golf club and the firing squad?

Share this quote Darkwing Duck: How stupid could I be? Gosalyn Mallard: Does he really want us to answer that? Darkwing Duck: [sarcastically] Thank you for your support!

Share this quote Gosalyn Mallard: I'll be back when you've reestablished your ego.

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